24 Mar 2007 06:25 UTCSat 24 Mar 2007 - 6:25 am UTC
And how can I protect myself from them?
The reason I ask is because I am going to a party at a house where I expect vampires to be present.
I am an innocent, extremely handsome, young male: the sort that Female Vampires would positively drool over.
Please, what should I do?
24 Mar 2007 18:00 UTCSat 24 Mar 2007 - 6:00 pm UTC
Thanks for accepting my comment as your answer. I'll repost it here for the sake of future readers.
Eating lots of garlic will protect you from vampires and everyone else, as
well. I know from experience. I once did a 7-day cleansing diet that called
for drinking several glasses a day of a concoction consisting of V8 juice,
cabbage juice, and 3 cloves of garlic added to the mix.
At the time, I was confused about what a clove consisted of, so I threw in
3 *bulbs* of garlic. The taste didn't really bother me so much, but when a
friend knocked on the front door on the lower landing, and I yelled to her
from upstairs to come in, she quickly asked, "What's that smell?"
I was so entrenched in the odor that I had no idea, but we figured it out
soon enough. Needless to say, she didn't stay long.
The cleansing diet was a complete success. I was seeing colours [sic] I'd
never seen before after 7 days. And to this day, I can't get enough
garlic... ; )
I'd like to thank admin for clarifying the quantitative terms, especially for the Transylvanian recipes.
I apologize for not addressing what female vampires look like, though others have done so. It's just that I don't want to promote stereotypes and prejudicial perceptions. We have enough of those floating around already. And, as everyone should know, any person of the feminine persuasion can be bitten by a vampire and become one themselves.
Vampirism is an Equal Opportunity Condition (EOC), and can be inflicted on females of all hairstyles and colors. The idea that they would tend to be pale stems from the fact that they cannot withstand exposure to sunlight, and so they sleep during the day and have no tan whatsoever. The fact is that modern makeup can easily mask this, and there are plenty of female security guards and nurses who work the graveyard shift who can attest to this.
I'd approach the issue more from a behavioural [sic] perspective. Beware of women who spend an inordinate amount of time focused on your jugular vein (though nurses and security guards have also been known to do this). To facilitate this, avoid garnering hickeys prior to the party.
Naturally, you also want to be cautious of women who have the telltale bite marks of a newly-minted vampiress. Also be cautious of women wearing turtle necks or collars, who might be covering up such scars. Then again, they could just be covering up hickeys.
As you can see, all this can necessitate a kind of hypervigilance which can spoil the fun of attending the party. Ingesting massive amounts of garlic can relieve you of the need for this bothersome watchfulness, leaving you free to relax and enjoy the evening with whomever manages to remain in your vicinity.
sublime1 - from the Crypt