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ANSWERED on Fri 22 Jun 2007 - 12:54 pm UTC by Hailstorm

Question: For Hailstorm, Jem or Leli only

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The customer tipped the researcher $5.00

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 22 Jun 2007 05:10 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 5:10 am UTC 

Hello again!

Where have you been?

Missed you!




Former Researcher

 22 Jun 2007 05:23 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 5:23 am UTC 

Hello, it has been a while hasn't it?  It seems that I still don't have access to actually answer a question yet...when I am granted this power, I will gladly fill you in on the details, as well as offer you the most effective investment strategy available.




 22 Jun 2007 06:50 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 6:50 am UTC 

In the exact words of Davidsarokin
I'm not sure there's a genteel way to put this, but I'm afraid you're
expecting a lot for a $5 question.  Please have a look at Uclue's Pricing
Guidelines to get a better idea of what to expect:


Uclue Admin 

 22 Jun 2007 08:55 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 8:55 am UTC 

Due to the invention of timezones, it took overnight for hailstorm to gain researcher wings.

There are now 41 former Google Answers Researchers able to answer questions at Uclue.




 22 Jun 2007 12:54 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 12:54 pm UTC 

Good evening Bryan.  Thanks for requesting my resurrection.

So...where have I been?  If you mean in the physical sense, I've been in the same place I've been for the majority of the past 10 years now, somewhere in the general vicinity of Tokyo, Japan.  If you mean in the virtual sense, I've been offline more often than I would care to be.  My day job is that of an IT Manager.  As the cost of living is high in Japan, the cost of wages is also high.  So some bright spark got the idea we now call "outsourcing", farming out tasks to nations where one could actually make a decent living answering questions for people on the Internet...or answering phone calls, rebooting servers, writing programs, whatever floats their boat.  So the people still left in Japan find themselves talking to people in India, China, Bulgaria, Chicago, and a few countries that used to have the word "Volta" in their name.  Eventually, the times where I could spend hours doing proper research for folks like yourself became few and far between, and Hailstorm has been in a drought ever since.  But I do enjoy this Q & A thing, and the pennies a day I still earn on average from the GA Adsense payments might inspire me to leave a footprint on this site as well, in the hopes that it might someday pay for a yearly cup of coffee in my old age.

But enough about me...I'm here to help _you_ with your investment strategy!  I said before that I have not only a great strategy, I have the best _possible_ investment strategy you could have!  You're paying $5 for this question, and by golly, I'm going to make sure that you get your money's worth.

Perhaps the most famous investment book of all time (ergo, the best) was 1973's "A Random Walk Down Wall Street" by Burton Malkiel.  And the most famous line (ergo, the best advice) from this book was "A blindfolded monkey throwing darts at a newspaper's financial pages could select a portfolio that would do just as well as one carefully selected by the experts."  Merriam-Webster's online dictionary lists the definition of expert as "one with the special skill or knowledge representing mastery of a particular subject"  Now, those with _mastery_ of a particular subject are obviously the best source of advice you can get...and the results from the blindfolded dart-throwing monkey (or BDTM for short) would be just as welgood.  Therefore, the best advice available can be obtained from either a stock expert or a BDTM.

However, one must also take into account the costs of both methods.  Whereas the stock expert would probably demand high commissions and a percentage of your profits, the monkey would be perfectly happy with just a few bananas, and perhaps a cute little hat.  So since we've established that the expert and BDTM give the best results, and the BDTM is better value, conventional wisdom tells us that the BDTM is the best investment vehicle anyone could have.

However, over the past 35 years, we found that having a blindfolded dart-throwing monkey around the house was not without its disadvantages.  Then a man named Dave Reed made a monumental breakthru.  He found that the results obtained were the same regardless of the breed of the monkey, the size of the monkey, the smell of the monkey, or even the monkey itself.  What was important was that the monkey did not know what he was doing, and his stock selection was completely random.  The essence of the monkey's technique finally distilled, Mr. Reed created a magical device that untethered us from the BDTM, and offered invstment nirvana:  the best advice possible, at zero cost.

This magical device is called the Random Letter Sequence Generator, and it can be found at http://www.dave-reed.com/Nifty/randSeq.html

By calibrating this device to the stock market, and combining this with the power of a stock lookup program, we can obtain a completely random stock portfolio, one that, by all logic we've outlined above, should do just as well as any expert stock advice you could pay for!

I recommend the following settings to generate your portfolio:

Number of random letter sequences to generate: I'd say at least 100.

Length of each random letter sequence: The largest number of stock tickers have four characters, so set this to 4.

Letters to choose from: leave this as is.

Now, in another browser window, type the following URL fragment into the Location box:


Back at the Random Letter Sequence Generator, click the "Click to generate letter sequences button".  This should result in 100 letter sequences in the text box below.  Cut and paste this into the end of the URL fragment you created above, and hit Return to look up your own personal stock recommendation.

This was the URL I received for my test:

The resulting air-and-balanced stock portfolio was as follows:

Greenstone Holdings Inc. (GSHG.PK)
Last Trade: 0.009

HandHeld Entertainment Inc. (ZVUE)
Last Trade: 1.60

Last Trade: 52.00

Now, of course, I can't guarantee that you'll make money with this...all that I can guarantee is that this is the best possible investment advice that I can give you.

And with that, I bid you adieu!

Resources Used:

Dave Reed's Home Page

Yahoo Finance


Search Strategy:

monkey darts investment
random letter generator
why can't you set your monkey free?

P.S. Let us celebrate our monkey's freedom in style!


Leli Crawford 


 22 Jun 2007 17:52 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 5:52 pm UTC 

Dear Bryan

Hello! It's good to meet up again - I'm delighted to hear you calling my name.

It's always a pleasure to read along with your Qs and comments, but this is a tough Q for me. Where have I been? I haven't got any better answer than Rip van Winkle and Sleeping Beauty had . . . . .

Best wishes - Leli

PS I'm now signed up with uclue, but not very active.




 22 Jun 2007 18:31 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 6:31 pm UTC 

Thank you Haily!

And thank you Leli for posting a comment.

I hope to see more of you both and Jem ... and SOON!





 22 Jun 2007 18:46 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 6:46 pm UTC 

Brilliant response, Hailstorm!

This got me to thinking (I know that thinking is dangerous and causes wrinkles, but occasionally I do it anyway). If you have a bunch of blindfolded dart-throwing monkeys around the house, why not put them to double duty? Give each monkey a typewriter, and, in addition to their stock-picking services, eventually you will have the complete works of Shakespeare. This will, of course, include numerous plays by the Bard that are currently unknown to the world, and you can get rich by selling the publication rights.



Former Researcher

 22 Jun 2007 23:08 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 11:08 pm UTC 

"It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times..."

Thank you Bryan for your generous tip!



Former Researcher

 28 Jun 2007 04:08 UTCThu 28 Jun 2007 - 4:08 am UTC 

Wonder why I can only make the pretty name appear for an answer and not a comment?




 28 Jun 2007 07:24 UTCThu 28 Jun 2007 - 7:24 am UTC 

Because you are a Researcher!

You have special privileges and ...

You are also VERY CLEVER.




 28 Jun 2007 12:06 UTCThu 28 Jun 2007 - 12:06 pm UTC 

Very fetching, that big "Hailstorm".  I hope the idea is taken on by other researchers.  It would be very tantalizing for the rest of us, too, but maybe it is just as well that we can't all use it.

I see Probo  (Probonopublico) using fasces, but he may prefer something else.  I was already wondering where I could find some really muddy water to put my oar in for a good photo.


Uclue Admin 

 28 Jun 2007 12:39 UTCThu 28 Jun 2007 - 12:39 pm UTC 

[The typographic embellishment referred to by the above three posts has now been disabled.]



Former Researcher

 30 Nov 2009 04:24 UTCMon 30 Nov 2009 - 4:24 am UTC 

About two and a half years later, let's see how the above portfolio is doing!

Greenstone Holdings Inc. (GSHG.PK) (now GSHN.PK)
6/22/2007 Trade:  0.009
11/27/2009 Trade: Basically worthless

HandHeld Entertainment Inc. (ZVUE)
6/22/2007 Trade:  1.60
11/27/2009 Trade: Basically worthless (but did reach $3.19 in October 2007)

Last Trade: 52.00
11/27/2009 Trade: No longer trading publicly. Received government bailout.

Um...BAD monkey!  BAD monkey!!!




 30 Nov 2009 05:21 UTCMon 30 Nov 2009 - 5:21 am UTC 

Oh dear, Hailstorm, not only is your Investment Advice still lousy but evidently now you also CAN'T COUNT!

Two and a half years later than 22 June 2007 takes us to 22 December 2009.

And maybe by then your recommended Investments will have picked up and you and your friends Bernie Madoff, Sir Allen Stanford et al will have your reputations rehabilitated.

And maybe Jem could then pop by to say 'Hello'?

All the Best to Leli. I still recall the marvellous research that you carried out for me 'in the old days'. Of course, I still see you strutting your stuff on Queasy (as Myoarin calls it).


Maybe Mathtalk could kindly check my arithmetic?


Roger Browne 


 30 Nov 2009 11:15 UTCMon 30 Nov 2009 - 11:15 am UTC 

> Maybe Mathtalk could kindly check my arithmetic?

\imath  \jmath-\frac{\hbar^2}{2m}\nabla^2 \Psi + V\Psi=i \hbar \frac{\partial \Psi}{\partial t}\approx 2\frac{1}{2} years

I'm no mathtalk, but your arithmetic looks OK to me Bryan.





 30 Nov 2009 12:38 UTCMon 30 Nov 2009 - 12:38 pm UTC 

Many thanks, Roger, you have faithfully replicated the same formula that I used.

Of course, both of us may have used the wrong formula?

I sure wish that Leli or Jem would pop by and say 'Hello'.



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