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22 Jun 2007 05:10 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 5:10 am UTC
Where have you been?
22 Jun 2007 12:54 UTCFri 22 Jun 2007 - 12:54 pm UTC
Good evening Bryan. Thanks for requesting my resurrection.
So...where have I been? If you mean in the physical sense, I've been in the same place I've been for the majority of the past 10 years now, somewhere in the general vicinity of Tokyo, Japan. If you mean in the virtual sense, I've been offline more often than I would care to be. My day job is that of an IT Manager. As the cost of living is high in Japan, the cost of wages is also high. So some bright spark got the idea we now call "outsourcing", farming out tasks to nations where one could actually make a decent living answering questions for people on the Internet...or answering phone calls, rebooting servers, writing programs, whatever floats their boat. So the people still left in Japan find themselves talking to people in India, China, Bulgaria, Chicago, and a few countries that used to have the word "Volta" in their name. Eventually, the times where I could spend hours doing proper research for folks like yourself became few and far between, and Hailstorm has been in a drought ever since. But I do enjoy this Q & A thing, and the pennies a day I still earn on average from the GA Adsense payments might inspire me to leave a footprint on this site as well, in the hopes that it might someday pay for a yearly cup of coffee in my old age.
But enough about me...I'm here to help _you_ with your investment strategy! I said before that I have not only a great strategy, I have the best _possible_ investment strategy you could have! You're paying $5 for this question, and by golly, I'm going to make sure that you get your money's worth.
Perhaps the most famous investment book of all time (ergo, the best) was 1973's "A Random Walk Down Wall Street" by Burton Malkiel. And the most famous line (ergo, the best advice) from this book was "A blindfolded monkey throwing darts at a newspaper's financial pages could select a portfolio that would do just as well as one carefully selected by the experts." Merriam-Webster's online dictionary lists the definition of expert as "one with the special skill or knowledge representing mastery of a particular subject" Now, those with _mastery_ of a particular subject are obviously the best source of advice you can get...and the results from the blindfolded dart-throwing monkey (or BDTM for short) would be just as welgood. Therefore, the best advice available can be obtained from either a stock expert or a BDTM.
However, one must also take into account the costs of both methods. Whereas the stock expert would probably demand high commissions and a percentage of your profits, the monkey would be perfectly happy with just a few bananas, and perhaps a cute little hat. So since we've established that the expert and BDTM give the best results, and the BDTM is better value, conventional wisdom tells us that the BDTM is the best investment vehicle anyone could have.
However, over the past 35 years, we found that having a blindfolded dart-throwing monkey around the house was not without its disadvantages. Then a man named Dave Reed made a monumental breakthru. He found that the results obtained were the same regardless of the breed of the monkey, the size of the monkey, the smell of the monkey, or even the monkey itself. What was important was that the monkey did not know what he was doing, and his stock selection was completely random. The essence of the monkey's technique finally distilled, Mr. Reed created a magical device that untethered us from the BDTM, and offered invstment nirvana: the best advice possible, at zero cost.
This magical device is called the Random Letter Sequence Generator, and it can be found at http://www.dave-reed.com/Nifty/randSeq.html
By calibrating this device to the stock market, and combining this with the power of a stock lookup program, we can obtain a completely random stock portfolio, one that, by all logic we've outlined above, should do just as well as any expert stock advice you could pay for!
I recommend the following settings to generate your portfolio:
Number of random letter sequences to generate: I'd say at least 100.
Length of each random letter sequence: The largest number of stock tickers have four characters, so set this to 4.
Letters to choose from: leave this as is.
Now, in another browser window, type the following URL fragment into the Location box:
Back at the Random Letter Sequence Generator, click the "Click to generate letter sequences button". This should result in 100 letter sequences in the text box below. Cut and paste this into the end of the URL fragment you created above, and hit Return to look up your own personal stock recommendation.
This was the URL I received for my test:
The resulting air-and-balanced stock portfolio was as follows:
Greenstone Holdings Inc. (GSHG.PK)
Last Trade: 0.009
HandHeld Entertainment Inc. (ZVUE)
Last Trade: 1.60
MADISON FINL (KY) (MFKY.PK)
Last Trade: 52.00
Now, of course, I can't guarantee that you'll make money with this...all that I can guarantee is that this is the best possible investment advice that I can give you.
And with that, I bid you adieu!
Dave Reed's Home Page
monkey darts investment
random letter generator
why can't you set your monkey free?
P.S. Let us celebrate our monkey's freedom in style!
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