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ANSWERED on Tue 6 Nov 2012 - 7:47 pm UTC by JD Umiat

Question: Examples of predictions by Fortune Tellers and Stock Strategists

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 5 Nov 2012 09:29 UTCMon 5 Nov 2012 - 9:29 am UTC 

We want to make a fun Info Graphic on Fortune Tellers vs. Stock / Equity strategist
(This is tongue and cheek / light humor - we are not try to mock or discredit)

Both try to ‘predict’ the future, and often use vague or leading terminology which isn't very practical or helpful because it is too general.

We are looking for examples that sound credible but are clearly too vague to be really helpful. (Or they could be too obvious once you QUICKLY decode the message)

We are looking for 10 DIFFERENT examples in total:
5 Fortune Teller examples (predicting a future event or something to avoid)
5 Stock / Equity Strategist examples (predicting the direction/future price of the Stock Market or a specific stock)

- We need the source for each. URL is fine.
- Remember the spirit of this is fun / light humor.




 5 Nov 2012 09:34 UTCMon 5 Nov 2012 - 9:34 am UTC 

Good luck with your question: it sounds great fun.

It's totally irrelevant but I do like the story of the Fortune Teller who put a notice on her door:

'Closed Due to Unforseen Circumstances'





 6 Nov 2012 10:45 UTCTue 6 Nov 2012 - 10:45 am UTC 

I don't need actual sources for each quote.

You are welcome to modify or even create them, as long as they seem credible.

If you modify or were inspired by a particular site, please include the URL for reference - but this is not necessary.


David Sarokin 


 6 Nov 2012 12:43 UTCTue 6 Nov 2012 - 12:43 pm UTC 


These aren't exactly what you're asking for, but I wanted to make sure you were aware of lists like these, and find out if they are useful to you, at all:






 6 Nov 2012 14:34 UTCTue 6 Nov 2012 - 2:34 pm UTC 

Hi David,

I wasn't aware of that list specifically, but I think you got the point.

This task doesn't have to be that hard, and it could be fun.

All the best,

WarmWisdom (David)


JD Umiat 


 6 Nov 2012 15:29 UTCTue 6 Nov 2012 - 3:29 pm UTC 

Hello, Warmwisdom,

 This is a fun question but a lot harder than I thought it would be. Finding vague psychic predictions is not too difficult but pinning down vague stock market predictions is another story. There are often firm numbers or market directions attached to the predictions, even though they often prove false.

 Please let me know if any of these quotes fit the bill. If so, I will hope to find a few more and post them as an answer!

JD Umiat


Here are a few extremely vague 2012 predictions from Elizabeth Joyce.

"September’s third week promises to be a trying time for everyone, especially with the weather and in the political arena." (Sept)


"The drama in Hollywood builds, with two possible deaths of well known stars. An older man and a younger woman." (August)


"From the 8th February 2012 through mid-June we can expect natural calamities, fire, aggression, higher crime rate, and major error of judgments in politics." (February)


"People will be airing their dirty laundry, gossip, and jealousy on the computer and texting services. This way they feel they will have a constant audience."

Take your pick from many more on the following site:


Joseph Tittel has a host of vague doozies as well!

"I see three bombings that look to me like they take place on a large bus in the streets of a busy city. It is possible, by the way that I see this in my visions, that this could occur either on the same date or all very close to one another. This will occur in the area’s of Israel & Jerusalem."


"Large mudslide, cannot tell exactly where this is, that takes out a large significant building such as a school, hotel, ect This hits headlines most likely because of the buildings significance and possibly people trapped & a total of 3-30 or more casualties. There is a possibility this could occur in or near Australia."


"During the first part of the year there will a large amount of political change throughout the world. At one point it seems as if the entire world has gone mad with protests, riots, upheaval and chaos throughout many countries at one time. The people all become angry over very similar things. Their governments, their freedom and so much more. Eventually this will all lead to positive."


"I see President Obama waving out a hospital window giving thumbs up. So something is going to occur in early 2012 that sends the president to the hospital. Seems to be a big news story with some jokes revolved around it on an SNL skit, which also may cause a little bit of controversy."


 "I see a huge forest fire that burns completely out of control, possible this could be in Australia, and rips through thousands of acres. Miles of forest are destroyed before fire-fighters receive a boost of help from a large rain storm after weeks of dry heat and winds."


 "I see major protest’s that look as if they are outside the White House. While similar visions in my meditation showed large protest’s outside of large significant buildings. I believe these are buildings that house country leaders and this must not be related to the U.S. I see hundreds of people rocking the gates to the buildings trying to break down the gates to get in. I see people throwing rocks and fire bombs at buildings and windows. Much of this is focused towards political unrest and financial structures like banks and large corporate companies."

Have some fun reading all the predictions on this site, including the comments!


From Market analyst Arch Crawford:

"Between 18th of July and the end of February [2013], I believe the markets worldwide will crash," Crawford told GoldSeek Radio last week. "And that's because that if any one of them falls, it's going to take a bunch of others into a black hole."

From the same article:

"We've got a much bigger collapse coming, and not just of the markets but of the economy," CEO and Chief Global Strategist of Euro Pacific Capital Peter Schiff recently told Breakout. "It's like what you're seeing in Europe right now, only worse."


A number of stock market predictions can be found in the following article. They are not particularly vague....just wrong!

See THE IDIOT-MAKER RALLY: Two Years Of Making Gurus Look Stupid

For example, in MAY 2010: Keith McCullough says "Sell all U.S. stocks now."

"Sell all U.S. stocks now. We're heading to 1018...When markets get this unstable, it doesn't take much to destabilize market."

-- Keith McCullough, Hedgeye CEO, on May 28, 2010


Vague predictions about a coming market crash are just that.....vague! It will occur sometime, but they can't say when.

When Will the Coming "Big Crash" Occur?

"We’ve been predicting a coming economic crash since we opened our doors to the public back in December, 2010.
That prediction is based on solid research and financial analysis by leading experts. It’s also based on common sense........It’s just a matter of time before the reckoning day comes. So it’s relatively easy to predict a coming financial crash. It will happen - in one form or another. The one thing we CAN’T predict, however, is WHEN that will happen."


Vague commentary/prediction from Quantum Fund co-founder Jim Rogers:

"If you’re Mr. Romney’s friends, you’re going to do well after 2012. If you’re Mr. Obama’s friends, you’re going to do well.to do well. But you and I? The people watching this show? No!" the free market advocate said during a Tuesday interview on CNBC.

"Debt’s going higher, taxes are going higher. This is not going to be fun unless you’re Mr. Obama’s friends or Mr. Romney’s friends," he added.

CNBC journalist Maria Bartiromo (yes, that Maria Bartiromo) pushed Rogers for further details.

"When I look ahead, I don’t see good things out there. All I see is money sloshing around and it’s coming here, coming to the New York Stock Exchange," Rogers said.

"Are you expecting a sizable decline? I mean, you’re short some U.S. stocks, so how significant might a decline be in your view?" she asked.

"I would expect that we would see serious problems by 2014," he responded, "you should be worried. I’m worried. You should be worried, too."




 6 Nov 2012 15:44 UTCTue 6 Nov 2012 - 3:44 pm UTC 

Thank you - these are definitely the types of statements I was looking for.

If you have more, that would be helpful - but this would qualify for a complete answer.


JD Umiat 


 6 Nov 2012 19:47 UTCTue 6 Nov 2012 - 7:47 pm UTC 

Hello, David!

 I'm glad I was able to find some quotes that were helpful and on target. Along with my previous findings, here are a few more that you might find amusing!


Here are some important predictions culled from the lists of World Famous Psychic Predictions 2012- Part 2

From Psychic Nikki:

"Animals wild and domestic attack people."


From Josephine Ghiringhelli:

"Talk shows will compete stronger than ever this year to come out on top but I feel many will be quick to fizzle.'

Read more here:


Here is a colorful one from Richard Russell, author of the Dow Theory Letters

"Something evil and bearish is bubbling in the guts of this market."



According to Marc Faber, the US Fed Policy is destroying the world!

"My asset values go up but as a responsible citizen I have to say the monetary policies of the U.S. will destroy the world."


And lastly:

"Today Peter Schiff stunned King World News by speaking about his single greatest fear.  Schiff, who is CEO of Europacific Capital, gave an extraordinarily candid interview.  Here is what Schiff had to say:  "My biggest worry is that capitalism and the free markets will get the blame when it really hits the fan.  When we get the real crash and everything implodes, and it’s really an Armageddon style collapse, my fear (again) is that capitalism and free markets take the blame for problems that were created by government."

"Then we just finish our journey on the road to serfdom.  We totally become a totalitarian, centrally planned, police-type state, where Constitutional rights go out the window.  And really the only thing you can do as an American is leave."

"We might have to have a violent revolution years in the future or maybe our children or grandchildren will have to fight for their freedom...."



Thank you for some fun research!

JD Umiat




 6 Nov 2012 20:00 UTCTue 6 Nov 2012 - 8:00 pm UTC 

Thank you VERY MUCH.




 6 Nov 2012 20:44 UTCTue 6 Nov 2012 - 8:44 pm UTC 

This is the second time the question was locked while I was writing, which I only discovered when I tried to post.

Umiat has certainly answered the question well.
The quotations from investment gurus reminded me of something else, that some investment “experts” make their money by spouting their opinions in the media  (also the remark:  “If you're all that good, why aren't you just making a fortune in the market?”).  Predicting extreme situations makes headlines.  If they happen to be right, wow!  If not, it is forgotten. 
 Probably some fortune tellers do the same.

The real financial guru, Warren Buffett, says things like this:  

Too late now to post my comment explaining the similarities of how fortune tellers and investment advisers work and why clients believe them; interesting what I found, but way off target.



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